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[07 Apr 2006|07:37pm] |
i've been neglecting livejournal a lot lately in favor of myspace, so i figure it's about time for a new post. getting kicked out of the air force and coming home was roughly on par with getting out of prison. It's weird, learning to be a normal person again, but hey, its better this way i guess. not having someone tell you to do every step of the way is great, but somehow not having to work eighteen hour days just sort of brings the boredom back in to life. meh.
laters, steve
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[04 Feb 2006|03:24pm] |
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howdy livejournal goers. for the most part i stick to myspace, but i decided to have a vacation to livejournal. k, so where should i start...oh yeah, for those of you back in rhode island i have newses. due to circumstances mostly beyond my control, i am getting discharged from the air force. i have kept this fact secret from my family, with the intent of surprising them when i come home. for those of you that know members of my family, if you tell them i'll have to kill you. and for the only family member on livejournal, robert that's you, if you tell any of the other family members that i'm coming home i'll kill you slowly and painfully. the only one that knows i'm coming home is chris, he's going to pick me up from the airport. til then, i bid you all adieu, and hope to see you sometime in the near future.
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[28 Nov 2005|11:00am] |
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reel big fish |
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thanksgiving was beyond a blast. four days in dallas/ft. worth, 200 and some odd miles from goodfellow, i definitely did not want to come back. yay! three and a half weeks til christmas, i can't even wait to get out of here again!!! on a lighter note, i think i have reached both an all time high of sexual frustration, an all time low of motivation and all time height of loneliness, i really need to get the hell out of here.
that's it for now. laters.
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[28 Oct 2005|10:20pm] |
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the silo's - wookie do |
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fucking the air force.
because a couple of people got busted under age drinking (fucking bored assholes snitched on them) we have a nine o clock curfew tonight and tomorrow. not allowed to even so much as go out on our own damned balcony/hallway thingy thing.
i fucking hate the squadron commander.
he's an asshole with a condescending tone of voice regardless of what he is talking about, and his idea of equally punishing the whole squadron is letting the fucking asshole linguists over in billeting have no curfew while the rest of us have a nine o clock.
it's been since MARCH 28 that i've had no curfew ever, and i am not happy. it figures too.
i had a date tonight, dinner that i had to cancel.
still had a chance to hang out with the girl, her name is joy.
we're going to go to dinner some time this week...i think i could really get to like her, she's got an attitude unlike that of most girls around her. too bad i dont see this going anywhere.
i've been awake for exactly 40 hours and 23 minutes.
oh, and because of the underage drinking, our supervisors did room checks at 3 am to make sure the people not of phase were in their rooms like they were supposed to. one guy yelled through the door, another opened his but was not wearing his glasses(he can't see worth a damn without them) both got nailed with disrespecting an NCO, and we have a formation as 6 am tomorrow.
i hate the air force.
love,
steven.
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[09 Oct 2005|05:51pm] |
1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written.
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| bleah! |
[06 Oct 2005|11:45pm] |
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i don't wanna go tomorrow! |
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dierks bentley |
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i'll be home for christmas
if only for two weeks
but i'll be home for christmas...
unless of course i fuck up in this new course, in which case i'll be home before christmas...and as a civilian again at that. come to think of it, that doesn't sound too bad. meh, either way, i'll be home round the 21st or 22nd, so expect to see the new and improved, even-more-crazy-than-before, batteries not included...gavin! yay!(applause)goodnight.
love,
stevie g.
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[12 Sep 2005|11:57pm] |
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sugarcult - daddy's little defect |
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i am now officially a 1n531. electronic signals intelligence exploitation.
off to work (watching movies in the cq) at midnight.
=)
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[02 Sep 2005|12:44am] |
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so...update:
sgt lubas has apparently convinced my entire chain of command (no doubt with help from my direct supervisors the mtls) that i am an exemplary troop, a good airman with great potential. so they decided not to discharge me, and without my putting far more effort than i prefer to exert into it, that's the way it's gonna be. now then, i'll no longer be going to 2e2, because keesler afb (where 2e2s train) is now lake keesler. only ten percent of the buildings remain standing after the hurricane, and much of the surrounding area is still flooded. new orleans (very close by) is still underwater as far as i've heard. so everyone going to keesler and most of the people from there are being reclassed and/or reassigned. that means i have to resubmit all of my paperwork and put in for a new job. hoorah, hua and right on. so now i get to put in for a new job, and i refuse to put down anything longer than eight-ten weeks, because i'm really sick of being a tech school airman. ten months so far, and looking at several more.
on top of all of that, i met a girl that i click with extremely well. a little too well. she seems to be afraid of becoming to attached, only for my paperwork to go through and for me to have to leave her behind, which has happened once before to her already. that really fucking sucks, because she really is one of the few girls i have had such strong, nearly overwhelming feelings for after getting insight into her personality. fucking a, but anyway, that brings of the number of times being shot down to about twelve here on goodfellow, though i admit that only three so far have actually hurt, because those are the only three that i felt i connected/connect with. the only three i could foresee emotions strengthening for. fuck it: i've resigned myself to the fact that i'll be alone for an excessively long time.
ttfn, and i'll keep updates flowing on my whole sitch.
laters
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| he'll be coming cross the mississippi when he comes... |
[24 Aug 2005|12:13am] |
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black eyed peas - shut up |
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talked to msgt lubas yesterday/monday(it's still tuesday to me even though the clock says past midnight=wednesday)...supposed to talk to seperations at mpf sometime soon...looks like i might be coming home soon. =D / =| / =(
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[17 Aug 2005|12:50pm] |
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tenacious d - explosivo |
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so i saw the shrink again today. parently there really isn't that much wrong in my head, but i have to see the first sergeant. probly gonna go on monday, but there's a slight hiccup...he's in the secure building and i seem to have misplaced my top secret/sci security access badge. that's a bad thing for those of you that didn't guess. i'm probly gonna be fucked pretty hard for losing it, but hopefully i'll just walk away with an loc (letter of counseling, think of it like a letter home to your parents if you get in trouble at school) it looks bad on the career, but it's better than getting phased back and having to be in uniform and stay on base.
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[10 Aug 2005|04:25am] |
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it's 0425 on wednesday morning, and i still have not gone to bed, so technically to me it is still tuesday night. why i am still awake is a mystery to me. it is not out of laziness, because i can recline my chair and sleep there, almost as comfortable as my bed. it is not out of boredom, for boredom is easily cured with sleep. i think there's something more, something fundamentally wrong with me that has driven me to not sleeping. also, tuesday night at 6:30ish was the first time in seventy-two hours that i ate an actual meal. what the fuck is wrong with me these last few days? i really wish i knew the answer to that.
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[03 Aug 2005|10:46pm] |
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nas - shoot em up |
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i am officially on convalescantleave unti the 22nd, but the air force is of the opinion that i lack motivation (which i do lack, just for the record) so i have to stay on base. but hey, i am completely on vacation in house for the next two and a half or so weeks; no formations, no work, no inspections, and the best of all no uniform. =) on a not so light not, i've gotten shot down yet again (today), but it is understandable because she was just dumped a week and a half ago (which i knew) but what i did not know was that prior to the asshole (who didn't deserve her in the first place) breaking up with her they had been talking about marriage, so she's really hurting. the girl in question and i have been friends for about three or so months and we get along really well, so i'll just continue to be there for her and hope things work out. got into a heated religious discussion with the head white rope (chapel student leaders...they work with the church) which was actually quite fulfilling. ummm........been reading a lot, and writing, there's not much else to do when you're recovering from surgery, though i still manage to get my lazy ass out of the room for several hours at a time and walk around, which is reportedly good for the recovery because it stretches and strengthens the muscle tissue. laters. ;)
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[02 Aug 2005|03:45pm] |
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barry white - can't get enough of your love |
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so, update
surgery went well. i was very happy for three days with my drugs. then i realized that the doctors did not give me enough to last me through the weekend. subsequently...not so happy for the weekend, however saw stealth and i must say that merely the scene with jessica biel in a bikini makes it worth seeing. so, anyways, healing is going slowly, excruciatingly painful(possible slight exaggeration there)due to lack of drugs. i've been on convalescent leave since friday that ends tomorrow. i see the surgeon again tomorrow and hopefully i can convince him to tell the military to extend the leave for at least another week or so. more when there is, laters.
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[26 Jul 2005|10:25pm] |
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garth brooks - friends in low places |
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tomorrow at 0900 i go under the knife for hernia surgery.
this is gonna suck =(
but lots of drugs = less suck...=)
wish me luck.
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[14 Jul 2005|11:07pm] |
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early today my cousin vicky died. she was only thirty. they believe it was her heart, due to the high cholesterol and blood pressure that came as a price of her being very overweight. the last time i talked to her was over a month ago. you never know when death will strike, so make sure you tell your loved ones how much you care, every day in every way you can.
love,
steve
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[12 Jul 2005|11:49pm] |
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rammstein - wilder wein |
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for those of you that also read the xanga, disregard.
420 miles, twelve hours total road time.
what the lackland docs have to say about my back: "we can't see anything major wrong with you, other than some damage to t7, t8 and t11. it could get better or worse with time. if you start to lose feeling or strength in your legs then it's getting worse. if you're back starts to hurt less it's getting better. either way there's nothing we can do now, so we're clearing you medically."
so all i gotta do is pass the psychological evaluation on the 21st and i can go to my new tech school.
you just gotta love the air force.
love
stevie g
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| surveyys |
[21 Jun 2005|12:41pm] |
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delta goodrem |
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1. Middle name: joseph
2. Age: 19
3. Hometown: Cranston
4. Eye colour: Blue, green?, i get different answers
5. Height: 5'6
6. Weight: 176
7. Do you chase subway doors?: never even been near a subway
8. Are there any weird tricks you can do with your body?: no
9. Are all of your senses functioning?: Yes.
10. Any irrational fears?: no
11. Are you afraid of the dark?: i thrive on darkness
12. Have you ever wet the bed?: i dunno, maybe when i was like four?
13. Have you ever fallen out of bed?: no
14. Do you like yourself?: No
15. Can you kiss your elbow?: not even close
16. Touch your nose with your tongue?: no
17. Are you an optimist or a pessimist?: pessimist
18. Why?: b/c i've been fucked over so many times that nothing matters anymore
19. Are you drawn to people you disagree with?: sometimes, makes things interesting
20. What’s the most you’ve ever drank in one sitting (Alcoholic or otherwise)?: quarter (liter) bottle of everclear, bottle (liter) of vodka, half a bottle of bacardi vanilla, three smirnoff ices, one rum and coke.
21. Do you read the National Enquirer?: no
22. Have you ever been in love?: thought i was, damn was i wrong
23. What’s the most exotic fruit you’ve ever eaten?: oranges?
24. Do cute things gross you out?: depends
25. Did you ever seriously think you were going crazy?: yes
26. Is there something you just can’t win at, ever?: love
27. Is there something no one can beat you at?: sure, having failed relationships, i'm the grand champion
28. Do you give change to homeless people?: no
29. Have you ever seriously considered suicide?: i'm way to arrogant and self centered for that
30. What was the last good thing to happen to you?: something good happened to me?
31. What’s your fetish?: skirts
32. What’s the last thing you killed?: an insect of some kind most likely
33. Do people tend to like you more than you like them?: people hate me.
34. When you meet someone, are you usually inclined to like them or dislike them?: neither...i give em five or so minutes to see if i like or dislike them...they gotta do something to push it either way
35. What’s your favourite cancelled TV show?: firefly
36. Have you ever been to Canada?: No
37. To Mexico?: No
38. Did Bill Clinton deserve to be impeached?: yes
39. When you think of love, what image comes to mind?: nothing
40. Are you a geometry or algebra person?: geometry
41. Do you own an Ipod?: yes
42. Are you an insomniac?: yes
43. Are you type A or type B?: b
44. Are you “mysterious?”: no
45. What’s your favourite song?: great big sea - kiss my irish ass
46. Do you crumple or fold?: crumple
47. Do/Did you do well in school?: reasonably
48. What are you allergic to?: nothing
49. What’s your favourite thing about your body?: nothing
50. Least favourite?: my damaged spine
51. Do you like your body overall?: no
52. Did you used to want to be a Vet when you grew up?: no
53. Do you answer personal questions on surveys honestly?: Always
54. Does power mean a lot to you?: yes
55. What’s the most uncharacteristic thing you’ve ever done?: join the military
56. Have you ever hugged a stranger?: Yes
57. Are you a bookworm?: not anymore
58. Are you a “goth?”: Nope
59. Do you have an eating disorder?: no
60. Have you ever said something racist and then regretted it?: never regretted it
61. What colour would you like your eyes to be?: brighter green
62. Do you sleepwalk?: No.
63. Do you do any other creepy things?: no
64. Do you like money?: yes
65. Do you hang out in seedy bars?: no
66. Have you ever done drugs?: not the illegal kind
67. Do you worry people?: probably
68. Do you practice witchcraft?: no
69. Do you worry about being politically correct?: no
70. Do you like modern art?: no
71. Has a painting ever made you cry?: no
72. Where were you on 9/11?: school, biology class
73. Have you ever overdosed?: no
74. What’s your favourite team?: mine
75. Do you pick fights?: yes
76. What’s your religion?: none
77. Have you ever been locked in a closet or bathroom?: Yes
78. When you want to hide, where do you go?: out in the open, i don't hide.
79. Hot or cold?: Cold.
80. Are you OK?: no
81. Do you believe in evolution?: yes
82. Do you prefer TV, books or magazines?: tv
83. Would you travel in time to the past or future, even if you knew you could never come back?: yes
84. Indoors or outdoors?: Out
85. Is there anything you really want, but can’t ever have?: someone to love that loves me
86. Do people often call you lazy?: i am lazy
87. Are you a sinner?: every day
88. What’s your favourite type of cheese?: American
89. Do you have seasonal affective disorder?: none
90. What’s your favourite time of day?: Night
91. Are you planning a coup?: if i had the resources i would
92. Where are your piercings and tattoos, if you have?: tat on left upper arm
93. Do you use internet slang?: yes
94. Do you like sushi?: No
95. Do you tan or just burn?: burn
96. Who’s the last person you IM’ed?: erin
97. Are you easily messed with?: no
98. Are you taken or single?: single
99. Are you really fussy about things?: yes
100. Where would you most like to be right now?: anywhere but texas
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| meh |
[17 Jun 2005|12:29am] |
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none |
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eventually my posts will become less "wah wah wah, my life sux cuz all my friends left" but for now i miss them more than i miss my family back home. there was ted laughlin, who left two months ago. laughlin was probably my best friend around here, because we both had similar experiences in life. he was shot, i was stabbed...he was head of a gang out in wyoming, i was in marching band...his girlfriend cheated on him, my fiance cheated on me...etc. there was justin cox, a ska trumpet player that, while not knowing a lot about me, was always there as a friend is for another. then there was erin...it's hard to describe what she is to me...i guess you could say we were best tech school friends...like we both had best friends back home, but we were close here because she was the only one that had actual insight into who i am, and what had happened to me, and the other way around, i'm the only one around here that knew about her past. i miss her, i actually feel my heart ache in a way far different than that of a girlfriend that is gone. it's more as if a part of me is gone, yet to the point that a simple goofy im consisting of "emh coyote 0016 (5:50:08 PM): bleaaahhh!" (inside joke) when she knew i wasn't there...it shows that even though she won't admit it to herself aloud, she misses me...and here i go, rambling on again...it's things like this that made people here think for the longest time that we were dating, our friendship was that close. fucking hell, i hate my ex for breaking my heart, because back in the day i wasn't nearly this emotional about things. for fucks sake, i //cried// when erin left...i didn't even cry when i left my mom behind, or moira, or anything else. i haven't cried for anyone else's leaving. i used to be able to bottle my emotions up and explode in anger in private, keeping an asshole/joker face to the world. now perfect strangers can see the side of me only people that have known me for years can see, and i don't like it.
that's enough bitching for now. goodnight, maybe...
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| the end. |
[15 Jun 2005|03:50am] |
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itunes - random |
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i post right now on a truly serious note for once. even as i am typing this, tears fill my eyes and flow freely down my face. in the comfort of sandman's loft, also known as room 304, i witness the end of an epoch. some of the best friends i have ever known will leave tomorrow before noon and over the next week or so, truly great airmen, and great people that have changed me in ways i thought impossible, changed me for the better. the impact they have made on my life will resonate through my actions and deeds, someday actually probably bringing me to think "what would cox have done in this situation?" or "i wonder what witteman would have said?" i already find myself seeing things and thinking "wow, erin would have thought that was hilarious" and "baggett would've loved that song". i find myself feeling as if they are gone, almost as if they were dead.
but that is not true.
they will continue on, bringing light, laughter, happiness and tears to all they meet...as well as leaving mass destruction in their wake.
so here it is, straight from the heart:
justin d cox, airman first class, mildenhall raf, england: cox has broadened my musical horizon, introducing me to some of the finest ska ever played. he has given me advice and lent and ear to my rants and raving over these months. he is a man of many talents, not the least of which being his finess with ska trumpet playing, complete with trumpet player ego. i will never forget the loyalty cox has shown to his friends, nor will i ever forget him.
jeff m m witteman, airman, elmendorf afb, alaska: it's his first day...not really, witteman has been a friend and compatriot, fellow ninja and halo champ. he is lazy, but at the same time hardworking, as well as a true believer in the ninja code: leave no man behind. witteman's teachings will never leave my mind.
kayse m clark, airman, lackland afb, texas: laid back, and awesome is perhaps the only way to describe kayse. a breakfast buddy when i first started class, kayse and i were never truly close, but she was the kind of person that i could always rely on for companionship, one whom i could feel completely at ease around. we (as a group) decided there is exactly one thing we disliked about kayse, that she was not single...however, it was probably for the best, as we probably would have ended up fighting over her. i'll never forget kayse's smile.
william marr, airman, fort meade, maryland: i did not know marr that well for the majority of my time here, only that he had been here for ten or more months. marr was a bit overbearing at times, but generally caring in nature, a good head white rope. he could be annoying with that damn clothespin tag game, but overall brought a bit of fun to everything, as well as a chance to hone ninja skills of evasion and situational awareness.
robert d doughty, airman first class, lackland afb, tx: doughty could be damned annoying at times, as well as a curse to computers. however, doughty would do whatever he could to help a friend in need, though it would probably be paying the friend back for saving his ass at some earlier time.
isaiah genesis baggett, airman first class, not sure where he's going: bread, as his blackropes called him, was a damned good blackrope commander. friendly, compassionate and a brilliant pianist, baggett is one of those people that you just trust instantly, no need for second thoughts. he could be a bit obsessive compulsive at times, but it was worth it to know his as a friend, even if only to hear the beautiful music he could make.
theaodore c laughlin left, airman, ft huachuca, arizona: ted left base several months ago to attend a new training course in morse code. he was a good friend, loyal, willing to sacrifice anything to protect his friends. he and i were good friends, both very much alike, yet competely different in some ways. our irish heritage bound us together (even though he was half mexican) and only strengthened our friendship. ted will always be one of my boys, and will go on to give em hell wherever he goes.
erin m hanggee, airman first class, mildenhall raf, england: last, but certainly not least, is erin. possibly my best friend here on base, maybe even closer to me than those left back home. at one point i thought i was in love with her, mostly because she helped me get through my heart being shattered by the one person i thought truly loved me. she taught me that there were indeed others that cared, and that life does indeed move on. i know now that i am certainly not in love with her, but assuredly love her as a friend. erin is crazy, unpredictable, and despite what she may think, beautiful, both in physical body and in heart and soul. i hope with everything i am that one day she will find someone that can recognize her for the gem that she is, and that will treat her with the love and respect that she deserves. despite the bruises, scars and tooth marks left on me by that girl, i hope that she feels at least some glimmer of the friendship and trust towards me that i feel for her, and i hope that my heartbroken ravings did not bother her too much, because just having someone there to listen made me feel as if i actually do have some worth as a human being.
and with that i come to a close, wishing, hoping, even praying, that these people find happiness and content, their own place in the world, and i hold tightly to the hope that someday we will meet again, some place. for now, i big all a farewell, and good luck in everything. remember to keep friends close, and never to lose touch, because our friends are part of what allow us to become great people and to do great things.
-steven j gavin, airman first class, usaf, goodfellow afb, texas.
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| oy |
[12 Jun 2005|02:45am] |
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music |
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lucky boys confusion - ordinary |
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me + digital camera = hilarity ensues.
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